Okay okay I realize that’s a very dramatic view of 2018. But SERIOUSLY.
2018 was difficult for so many people I know, myself included.
I like to share an overview of what happened at the end of each year to help you understand and realize that the spiritual path is not the easiest path to walk.
Even people like me that are teaching and healing on a daily basis, go through their own triggers and ascension process and symptoms.
To embody the light and BE the light, we are often challenged more than anyone else. We choose to engage in this dance between light and shadow so we can heal our shadow and embody more light.
With that said, here is an overview of 2018 from my little part of the Universe…
I walked into January 2018 thinking that I would grow my business and live happily ever after.
>> I was faced with the reality that my business needed to change. NOW.
>> I realized that if I didn’t change, my business would fail.
>> My mindset came into question constantly throughout the year. My deepest patterns of lack, abandonment, lack of focus and lack of belief in myself came into the forefront.
>> I constantly doubted my decisions. Starting and stopping projects throughout the year.
>> At every turn, I was faced with people and situations that made me question myself, my decisions and my actions. (They were mirroring what I was feeling inside)
>> All my judgements came up this year. Everything I hate about myself, other people and situations in my life came to the fore.
>> The longer I strived for “safety, security and stability” the more things fell apart. They came crashing down all around me.
>> My fears of living an unhappy life doing what I hate became very apparent. I was constantly reminded that I wasn’t doing what I felt drawn to do.
>> I was subconsciously and unconsciously settling for situations and people that were terrible for me. I was making choices that were not in alignment with who I am or what I want.
>> I struggled to maintain friendships. I was surrounded by “friends” that were inconsistent, flaky and non-committal. And guess what my relationships looked like?
This is because I was inconsistent, flaky and non-committal. On soooo many levels!
>> I finally fell headfirst in a depression so deep, I had no alternative but to face my darkest fears. I was surrounded by them and felt consumed by them!
Fears that I’m not enough, I wouldn’t have enough, I won’t be helped, fear of what’s on the other side, but the biggest one…
Fear of letting go.
Letting go requires surrender.
And a deep trust in God.
Which is a deep trust in myself.
And of course, I just didn’t trust myself.
I chose to look very deeply at why I didn’t trust myself. I took an honest look at what brought me to this place. I owned my choices.
I chose to stop saying “I have no choice”, “I HAD to do it”.
I stopped blaming others, people, society, my past lives, my karma.
I just stopped BLAMING all together.
I’m not perfect at this by the way! Lol. It’s a constant reminder until I create a new habit.
Things started to change for me when:
>> THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE: I got to know myself really well (without judgment). I approached this with curiosity. When I reacted to something or felt judgemental, I’d ask myself “why though?”
>> I ended a very unhealthy relationship where this person constantly told me what a horrible person I was and blamed me for everything that was wrong with him.
>> I let go of the fake friendships
>> I gave myself permission to dream bigger. One of my big issues was feeling restricted by my own life. I often said “I feel like a prisoner in my own life”. This was the year I realized that I have the key to my prison.
>> I started saying no to opportunities that were not in alignment with my big vision
>> I did the WORK on my mindset, beliefs and fears. I showed up 100% and took responsibility for why I was in this place.
>> I asked for support when I needed it and showed gratitude when I received it.
>> I worked long and hard on my Atlantis past life to be free from this Archetype I incarnated into.
>> In 2018, after 38 years of life, I learned how to communicate effectively. I am now surrounded by friends and colleagues that reflect who I believe I am. They love me for who I am and are open to communicating. They commit to plans!
>> I also learned that I can’t take responsibility for other people’s problems. They are who they are, I can choose to walk away. And no, I don’t send love and light.
>> I let God know I was ok with shutting my business down if that was the right thing for me. Fortunately, I quickly discovered there are other bigger plans for me and I’ll be announcing those soon. My business is now stronger than ever.
This year, I felt like I was two different people. A true Gemini, torn in half between the light and the shadow. Seeing both the dark and the light sides of myself.
I think the biggest thing I did was get to know my darkness. I listened, I waited, I cried, I threw in the towel, I gave up many many times. And now we’re the very best of friends. I understand everything about her and we are transforming that darkness into light together.
While God has shown me a new direction, it is more than I ever dreamed possible. I learned that I am always protected, will always have enough and it’s ok to let go.
Happy almost 2019! Thank you for being a part of my journey this year!
Did you have a great or challenging 2018? Or a little bit of both? Let me know in the comments down below!
AND… HAPPY NEW YEAR! <3