I had been doing great with this mercury retrograde, new moon and solar eclipse energy. Relationships were improving on all levels, including the one I have with myself. I had just left the park where I set my 11 intentions and affirmations for the month ahead and I was feeling grounded and fabulous.
Then I started driving home...
As usual, I asked my Angel peeps which way is the best way home. Mistake #1 - You can't format questions like that if you want an accurate answer. It's better to format them as "Is it in my highest and best interest to...".
I heard "280", which is a freeway. So I said GREAT! I set the intention that I get home with zero traffic and effortless ease. As i'm driving on 280, i'm guided to shift to 101 freeway. Um ok. I usually don't question, so I went ahead and did it.
All is well until I take my exit and get stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. So instead of trusting in the divine timing of it all, I have...
The most EPIC melt down in the history of melt downs.
I was 10 minutes from my house and I live next door to a high school that gets out at 3:20 p.m. I KNEW if I didn't get home on time, I would be stuck waiting for kids to walk past my driveway. My experience with the high school kids is that they don't usually stop to let me pull into my driveway...
Instead of relying on my Angel Peeps, I feel like I've been sabotaged! I instantly realize that this is coming up for me to 'clear' and quite frankly, i'm TIRED of clearing things all the time. Can't I get a day off? I instantly shut them out.
I was so pissed that I was led straight into traffic, the single thing I asked to AVOID. What's the dealio, Angels?!
My convo with them went something like this.
I asked you for an effortless drive home with no traffic. You tell me to take 101 and lead me right into traffic. I'm not listening to you any more. Don't talk to me while i'm driving. I'm done. I'm done listening to you for the rest of the day. Maybe for life, I'm not sure. Either way, just pipe down and leave me alone (and a bunch of expletives).
So they did. I heard not one word. Probably because I was so furious, I tuned it all out. The drive home got worse, took longer than I ever imagined and I ended up behind people that were driving at least 10-15 MPH slower than all the other traffic.
The Law of Attraction. I put my energy into things 'not going my way' so they continued to not go my way. Instead, focusing on the divine timing and knowing that there was a divine order in place for some reason would have probably calmed me down. But NO. I melted down and I'm OK with that. You'll see why below.
I came home and continued the downward spiral, thereby dragging this heavy energy into my home until I finally plopped down onto my bed and fell asleep. I was asleep not 5 minutes when a friend called and triggered me by talking about an email that had not 30 minutes earlier SET ME OFF. A project that seems to be moving at the speed of molasses, finally started moving today just a few days before I go on vacation. But for good measure, everyone needs something from me NOW. Um.yeah.no. This was a HUGE lesson for me in setting boundaries and saying NO when it doesn't feel good. If Divine Timing is at work and it always is, this boundary setting will probably help it move more quickly and not stress me out in the process.
SO. I spent 35 minutes unloading about how upset I am about the last minute requests and about how no one is respecting my time, and how frustrating it is to not have people focused on this project and it is so obviously their LAST priority.
Then, I had a revelation and heard my Angel peeps speak.
Felicia, YOU have been doing things at the last minute, YOU haven't been respecting your own time, YOU haven't been focused on your next steps and YOU haven't made anything that's important to you a priority. O.M.G.
Listen...the Universe responds to what you put out. I am obviously attracting these situations because of how I am managing my own life right now. And its frustrating the hell out of me, so instead of having melt downs, i'm going to start prioritizing myself.
But why'd I melt down instead of responding based on LOA and divine timing in a calm and centered manner?
- The Angels were showing me that I have stuff I need to clear. In this case, control issues (still)... oh joy ;)
- I needed to be triggered to know that it was still present and affecting my life.
- I needed to remember that the Angels are working with me, not against me.
- I needed to unleash the Greek road rage and temper in order to realize how *ugly* it feels and choose differently next time.
- I needed to realize that PASSION is sometimes driven by ANGER. And I'll tell you what... that is one of the best ways to get your ass in gear.
- I needed to realize that the Angels support and love me no matter how many expletives I used directed at them and hating the entire learning process.
P.S. They don't care about that stuff. They only hear the underlying request. They want us to be at Peace and will do whatever it takes to make sure we are at Peace.
Feel free to post your thoughts below! ;)